Dirt For Dinner

In honor of April Fool’s Day, I thought I’d share some of my foolish, food-ish notions...and a few recipe ideas!

I don’t mind telling you I ate dirt once. I was about five or so and I wanted to. I also used to wash my own mouth out with soap. In the event that I ever sassed my parents and was to be punished, I wanted to be prepared for the taste. Same went for when I would eat stale bread with a glass of water, in case I was ever thrown into jail. Also I had great plans for eventually opening a restaurant comprised only of marshmallows, served any way my clientele wished—lightly browned, a good fire on, or burned. Oh yes, left much to my own devices as a youth, I had a vivid interior life.

I held a couple of waiter jobs when I was in college and was terrible at it. As it wasn’t up to me to cook the food, I wasn’t overly concerned if it never made it to any of the customers’ tables in a timely manner. I was too busy anyway scarfing down the lobster meat from the walk-in refrigerator at one place and devouring chocolate peanut butter pie off the dessert cart at another. 

I learned some things though during those particular posts. I would recreate at home some of the dishes I served such as boboli crusts baked with gooey cheese, chopped fresh tomatoes, and crispy bacon, along with a few spoonfuls of indecent sour cream. I still love that. Once when I was a kitchen fledgling, I called my friend after I’d bought a chicken. I asked for any suggestions as to what to do with it. She suggested a sprinkling of lemon pepper in a 350 degree oven for 40 minutes or so depending on the size of the bird. Brilliant! 

But I never made a real meal until I was in my early 20’s. It was an asparagus souffle from the pages of the Silver Palate cookbook. I would call it successful, but having tried my hand at souffles subsequently over the years, let’s just call it beginner’s luck.

Working from home, I sometimes forget to eat. But even when I remember, I exercise portion control: I try everything on my plate, but I don’t eat all of it. Unless it’s absolutely astounding.

Thankfully I figured out how to cook and got a feel for creating a meal through persistence and experimentation, discovering what goes with what. My dinner guests are the better for it too and eagerly rush over, knowing I will earnestly try to serve them something else other than dirt for dinner.